♥ Bittersweet Memories

Sorry my poor lil Livejournal, I have been abandoning you for a long period of time. I have no idea what to write here, so yea. I've officially moved back to Blogspot. Its http://www.xoxolynjlyf.blogspot.com/ kay?

With love,
Jocelyn.

I would say that it would be chocolate.
Chocolate is always associated with romance or attraction.
You see the guys giving their girls chocolates as gifts,
don't you?
(not mine though)
Mine is much, much more romantic and modern.



Normally when a guy gives his girl chocolates,
it is accompanied by roses, right?
How sweet. How romantic.
That is why chocolates are always,
always associated with love and romance.



And some of them tries to become a lil more romantic
by giving their girl a bouquet of chocolates.
Aww, how sweet right?




Okay, I demand for chocolates now.
I demand for a bouquet of chocolates accompanied by roses.
It will be such a romantic, utterly sweetest thing ever to give a girl you love, won't it?
I likeyy. =)


I love you, baby.
And I'll always love you even if you
don't give me a bouquet of chocolates
accompanied by roses. <3

Yes, I know it's a lil too late to be posting up about Fathers' Day.
But it is to appreciate my dad.
Well, you see, a father is an important person in the family.

A father;
finds a job to support his family,
works late to get bonuses and rewards,
buys anything his family needs,
loves his family with all his heart
and sacrifices everything for them.

A father;
treats each child as and individual,
never comparing one to another.

A father;
isn't rude to his family
but pleasant in all ways.

A father;
finds time to spend with his family
even though it is just a minute or two.

A father;
confronts his kids
when they are in wrong.

A father;
comforts his family
when they are in need.

Lastly, a father;
accepts his family for who they are.

Appreciate your father. He is someone who supports you and loves you forever. =)
Also, love our heavenly Father because he is the one who made you and brought you down to earth.

Hand in hand;
we'll walk through life together,
won't we baby?

I love
the way we stare deeply into each others eyes
without saying a word;
the way you whisper into my ears
"I love you, baby.";
the way you come close to me,
sniffing me all over
and telling me how good I smell
even on days that I don't.



I love you and you know that,
don't you,precious?
I do.
And I'm yours forever.

The question is,
"Will you be mine?"

We'll scout for this soon
as a sign of commitment
to our oh-so-beautiful relationship. Yay!



I love you, baby.
Now and forever.



. Jocelyn ♥

I've been missing you all day long;
All night, all week.

You know that right?

I miss you.
I miss your presence.
I miss your touch, the touch
that makes me tingle and go all warm;
the touch that makes me feel so comfortable.

I'm waiting for the day we'll be able to
spend our times together like we did early this year again.

Yes, again.
It has been long, hasn't it?

I just miss those days.
Don't you too, baby?

You frequently ask;
"Hi baby, how are you?"
or even;
"How's everything going dear?"

And I'll say " I'm fine, honey."
"Everything's fine."

Lies, all lies.

The truth is,
I haven't been all well recently
And I don't know why either.

Thoughts were running through my mind.
However I know,
I know that it's just my paranoid-ness.
Yes, paranoid I am.
Insecure, I am too.

Insecure.
I never doubted you love me
but somehow,
silly thoughts have been running through my mind.

What if you left?
What if you fell for someone else?
What if you lost interest in me?
What if I'm not good enough for you?
What if?

A lot of what ifs, you see.
Signs of insecurity.

Assure me everything's alright?

I trust you though.
I know you love me.
And, yes.
I love you too.

I'm forever yours baby.
And forever, we shall be.

ILY. <3







. Jocelyn ♥

A Painful Struggle of A Kid Through Life.

'Baby, you've got to remember what I say alright? Remember that I love you always.'

Armed with her luggage full of her stuff, mom walked out of our lives. She never did came back. That was 11 years back- when I was nine years of age.

I am now 20. I came from a very happy and wealthy family. My dad was one of the richest man in the country and owns a mansion full of nothing but the finest antiques, furniture, arts etc that can never be found anywhere. My mom and dad got married and were the happiest couple. They had me a year later and there and then, I was their very own pampered, most precious only child. When I was six, mom and dad threw me the biggest party ever- cakes and pastries from the finest bakery in town, presents which were worth at least $1,000 and my childhood friends. At that age, I practically had everything and anything I wanted- beautiful dresses, toys, dolls, shoes, hairbands and much more. I felt as if I was on top of the world and thought that everything was perfect.

Little did I know that things would change. I was six, wasn't I?

Dad's business started to screw things up. His secretary used up most of the money they had and was left with less than one third the amount the business had. Soon, dad had to liquidate his company. He was only left with the mansion, a little money from his savings and us- mom and I. He couldn't accept the fact that he lost his source of fortune. Depression hit him and soon after that, he ended up in bars and clubs consuming alcohol. He even took drugs. Drug and alcohol addict, he became. It became a habit. Not long after that, everything was gone- his savings and the mansion. We then stayed in Aunt Lily's abandoned flat for shelter.

Mom had to advise him to stop but dad brushed-off mom's support and advices and continued his habits. Mom's efforts were of no use.

Mom went job-hunting and after a few days, she got a job as a waitress in a restaurant. They paid her quite well. Some customers even gave her tips for her good service. Years came, years past; yet mom and I stayed strong and continued trying to support dad. Everything went well until dad found out that mom had money. He took all the cash she had and used it for his beers and drugs. That went on for months and soon, no money was left for us. The hopes of me going to school crushed just like that. Mom couldn't take it anymore. It was too much pain and suffering for her to bear with.

She filed a divorce with dad with the help of Aunt Lily and had it signed. Dad didn't agree with it but with the evidence and proof they had, he was forced to sign the paper. He had custody of me though. Mom teared. Mom knew how much pain and suffering i would have to go through in years to come if I stayed with dad. At that point of time, I was still clueless about merely anything.

'Baby, you've got to remember what I say alright? Remember that I love you always,' mom said.

Armed with her luggage full of her stuff, mommy walked out of our lives. She never did come back.



I stayed with dad and yes, I didn't have a good life. Dad forced me to work and I didn't attend school for years. As usual, dad would take all the money i earned and use it all up on his alcohol. Aunt Lily knew all that was happening. Out of sympathy, Aunt Lily quietly paid my fees and sent me to school. Dad knew nothing about it.

I did that almost everyday for years and soon, I found myself graduating from high school. During graduation day, mom came. Full of tears of joy, I hugged her tightly knowing that she's back.

'Honey, I'm so proud of you. You've finally graduated! Look at you. All grown up now.'
'Mom, I'm so glad you're back! How did you know I'm graduating today? You're back for good, aren't you?'

I was filled with questions.

'Aunt Lily told me you were graduating today. She always keeps me updated about your life. I knew you would make it. Umm, I'm sorry sweetie. I'm not back for good.'

I was shocked. Why? Why wasn't she back for good? Didn't she miss me? Didn't she know how much pain and suffering I went through?

'But. But why mom?'
'I have a family now. Here, this is Iva. She's my daughter. Iva, meet my daughter, Ally. She's the one i was telling you about.'

She showed me her daughter. Iva said hi to me and ran off to her dad. I saw them- mom's new family. They looked so happy, much happier than I was with mom and dad before. I was devastated. I paused for a moment, almost breaking into tears.

'Umm, mom. She's beautiful. How old is she?'
'She's nine, sweetie.'

Nine. Yes, nine- when mom walked out of our lives and never did came back until now.

'Mom, I'm glad you've found a new family.'

Indeed I was happy for her, but I was crushed at the same time. I wasn't her pampered, most precious child anymore. There was someone else- Iva.

'Thanks, sweetie. Ally, you shouldn't stay with dad anymore. Come, stay with me. My husband and I had discussed it over and he agreed to it. He definately would be happy to have you around us. Iva would too.'

What? Stay with mom and her new family? That wouldn't be very nice, would it? I paused again.

'What about dad?'
'We'll send to the drugs and alcohol rehab centre. He needs help.'
'I know mom, but he needs someone to support him. If I stay with you, I won't be there for him.'
'Who said you won't be? We'll always come back together and visit him there.'
'Really mom? Alright, I'll stay with you.'

We hugged. I smiled, mom smiled too. I knew deep down, I will be that pampered child again. And yes, I will be happy.





-THE END-






[ Please be informed that this is NOT a true story. It is all made up. ]


Written by JOCELYN LEONG YEN FEN.
Copyrighted Copy.







. Jocelyn ♥

Insensitive freak, you are.

Do you know how it's like being insulted
all the time?
Do you know how it's like being shot at
or teased continuously?

Know your limits.
Know went to stop.

Youngest, you are.
Pampered, loved, given all the attention
you need and plenty of things to go with.
F*cking spoilt, you are.
We made way and gave in to you
even to the tiniest thing ever.

Sign of respect- nil.
Unless you needed something
or wanted something.
Hell spoilt, you are.

Insensitive, you are.
So unsympathetic towards other's feeings, no?
Yes, youngest I know.
That answered it all, didn't it?
Spoilt brat.

Barely protective, you are.
Hell annoying, you are.

Now, how do you expect me to care for you,
protect you, support you
or even lend you a helping hand
when I don't get the respect I want
from you?
You tell me.

Live with it.
I won't be bothered by you
anymore, anytime, anywhere
till you've change.

-For the utterly insensitive sibling among us three-


Wake up! You are not in the world of your own where you can do whatever you want, but REALITY.
Yes, reality. Open up your eyes. Welcome to the world.

I am sensitive, yes I know. In fact, a very sensitive one indeed. Moreover, I'm a girl. A typical girl who is real sensitive.
I have feelings. Feelings that have been hurt a million times.

You are one of my sibling. What do siblings do if it wasn't to love and protect their own siblings?

Yes, hurt I am.
Because of you.

Fucking depressed and disappointed in you.
What kind of sibling are you?
Wicked, spoilt brat.
Irresponsible, pampered child.

Know your limits. Don't test my patience. I have limits too.

I wonder how your girlfriend can stand you.
I wonder if you treat your very own precious this way too. I doubt that.

For goodness sake, CHANGE!
Change for the better.

I am your sister. Your second elder sister, I am.
So, respect me.

It's good enough that I let you call me whatever you want.





. Jocelyn ♥

If you have a heart, and if you believe in our high most God, you'll cry watching this video even if you're the toughest man in the world. I'm serious. I was so touched by this video and I cried my way home that particular Sunday when a pastor from Sri Lanka came over to my church to preach the word of God. When he showed us this video, sobs were heard from nearly all of those who attended the service.

This video touched me so much. It made me realize how much God had sacrificed his son, Jesus Christ just to wash away our sins. Pay attention to the video. Do you see how Jesus was whipped with the leather whip? See the crown of thorns on his head? See how the soldiers spit at him and how they beat him up?? Also, did you see how the soldiers nailed Jesus' hands to the cross? This is how much suffering and humiliation Jesus went through just to wash away our sins.

I want to be closer to God now. I want to change for the better.





Touched? Did you cry?

God loves you very much. And now that you've watched the video, you know that well don't you?

Surrender your lives to Jesus. Believe in him. He is real. Very real. He answers your prayers.

I'm a Christian, if you still haven't figured that out.


A Chirstian,
. Jocelyn ♥

What Jocelyn Leong Yen Fen Means

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are very open. You communicate well, and you connect with other people easily. You are a naturally creative person. Ideas just flow from your mind. A true chameleon, you are many things at different points in your life. You are very adaptable. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs. You are loving, compassionate, and ruled by your feelings. You are able to be a foundation for other people... but you still know how to have fun. Sometimes your emotions weigh you down, but you generally feel free from them.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
True? Or False?

You decide. I don't want to sound as if I'm some kind of proud, self obsessed girl.


. Jocelyn ♥

Lol I'm NOT that Malaysian after all, am I? Proud or not, you need not know.

Malaysia is like one of the best country to live in because there's NO cyclone, NO tornados, NO earthquakes, NO nature disasters happening etc. Be thankful.

Unfortunately, Malaysia is also not where you want to live in because of the crimes- kidnaps, rapes, incest, unfairness etc. Proud of this? Never will I be.

Also, Malaysians have no civic consciousness in them. You can see litters all over the country. There are tons of dustbins provided in the public areas but Malaysian are just not bothered to throw their rubbish in the dustbins. Proud? No.

So, do you think I'm proud to be a Malaysian?
You decide. I'm not saying anything.

Malaysian,am I?
. Jocelyn ♥

Writer's Block: Where am I in the garden?


Well, I went through the writer's block and I found this. It was posted on May 13, 2008 for your info.

What vegetable or fruit do I relate to most? LOL.

A banana, I would say.

Let me tell you why. A banana is yellow on the outside, but white-ish on the inside. Looks deceive right? And now, you might ask- so what does it have to do with you?



You see, I'm Chinese. Chinese on the outside. A Chinese is suppose to speak Mandarin according to others. But, I don't. Neither do I understand what people say most of the time.

So, I might be Chinese but on the inside, I might not be one.

Just like a banana, ain't I?


Banana Me
. Jocelyn ♥

I miss high school life. I miss my dear friends. I miss 5 Terampil. I miss my teachers. I miss the school canteen’s Char Koay Teow too.




I miss Alyn. Where’s she? The last time I saw her was in Tro, Gurney Plaza working. I miss her jokes, her comforting and her wackiness too. Thanks Alyn, for being there for me when I’m down and letting me know I’m not a bad person.

I miss Marisa, Ee Lin, Hong Luan, Rachel Kang and Wan Ching too. I’ll never forget the moments we had in class everyday- the joy and laughter, the pain shared with one another, the comforts that made us smile and mostly, the food! I still remember how Marisa and Rachel gave me support when I broke down in class one particular day. Thanks guys. You people are the best. Rachel, every time I had problems with you-know-who, you’ll always tell me how great I am and how much I deserve a better person in my life. Be proud, I finally found someone much, much better (I don’t think she would ever come across my blog, but anyway..). To Wan Ching, thanks for sharing those love food you got with us even though it was from your precious. We’ve tried our very best not to eat it but we couldn’t help it. Haha especially the Sushi he made for you. To Ee Lin the pembuli yang sungguh besar, why do you always havta bully thin skinny, weak and helpless girl all the time harr??? HUMPH! Lol anyway, thanks for those pau and dim sum you always buy for us early in the morning. That was the only nicest thing you’ve done for me >=( LOL kidding. Hong Luan, I have nothing to say about you because I’m not so close to you. But anyway, thanks for covering up for us when we don’t finish our maths/ add maths homework XD XOXO to all of ya!

Yee Tang- I don’t miss you at all!! xD I still see you all the time in college haha. But I enjoyed being part of the Blue House marching team. You know laa all the fun we had during marching and sports practice. Blue House is still the best Whee! ~

Ahhh yes, my Mariam dear. My one and only partner-in-crime. I sayang you laa!! You’re always by my side. You better not forget me I tell you! Haha hugs all the time kayy xD XoXo!

Umm, Emily arr, I won’t say anything bout you because I see you all the time in church. Ohh there’s one thing I’ll havta say. Remember the times we had in Form 1- sitting on the floor behind the class singing whenever we have free times. xD Stupid stuff but hard to forget. Lol.

To the rest of Trampilian family, I miss you people. I will cherish all the times we had in class forever! Cheers!!

P/S: One thing that I don’t miss is the ridiculous rules implemented by our principal. xD


The glory of friendship is not in the outstretched hand
Nor the kindly smile
Nor the joy of companionship
It is in the inspiration that comes to one
When he discovers that someone else believes in him
And is willing to trust him
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-


5 Terampil remains in my heart forever.



Missing high school,
. Jocelyn ♥

Journal. My very own journal. Everyone must be thinking I'm mad to start a journal when I already have a blog. You see, I was bored. I went through Julia's beautiful journal and it caught my eyes. I kinda like it xD I'm seriously getting bored of my darn Blogger now. So yea, here I am. A new journal for me =)

P/s: Sister arr, I shall try not to blog about lame and stupid swt stuff laa kayy >.<

ily Terence.

First post by
. Jocelyn♥